I believe there are three kinds of people. There are winners, who know what they want and understand their potential and the possibilities. They take life on. Next are losers, who don’t have a clue as to who they are. They allow circumstances to shape their lives and their self-image.
I believe there is a third group as well. This consists of potential winners whose lives are just slightly out of alignment. I call them wayward winners. It may be that they just need to learn how to be real winners. Perhaps they have hit a bump or two that has knocked them off course and they are temporarily befuddled. A failed relationship, a lost job, financial problems, unformed goals, a lack of parental support, illness, many things can send us off course temporarily. Wayward winners are not lost souls, they just need some tweaking and couching and nudging to get them back on course. A map may be nice. Many of these wayward winners are easily identifiable because they are always searching.
Right now, there are many wayward winners out there braving rain, sleet and snow because they too still believe that they have untapped talents. They attend motivational seminars and listen to inspirational tapes and they plunge onward, believing that sooner or later they will find their way again.
Other wayward winners have temporarily given up. They are damaged and disoriented, their confidence badly eroded. They tend to drift through life numbly. The friends and relatives and loved ones of wayward winners see that they are out of sync and wonder why they cant be satisfied, why they don’t settle own. They wonder how people who have such obvious abilities and great potential can be so disoriented and unsure.
It is difficult for others to understand the rawness of a broken heart or the aching emptiness of an unguided spirit. You and I know. We have been there. Wayward winners know that there are possibilities out there, but too often they feel locked out from them. Some are afraid to risk any more because of what they have risked and lost already.
I know now that as difficult as it may be for you wayward winners to do, it is necessary to continue to test yourselves. Even though you have been hurt before, it is the only way to grow. We all have the capacity to change, to lead meaningful and productive lives by awakening our consciousness.
You know there are going to be tough times as you go about changing your life, so brace yourself and you will be able to handle them. When you get into your seat in an air-plane, what is the first thing that they tell you to do? Fasten your seat-belt. Brace yourself for the turbulence.
When you decide to move your life to the next level of accomplishment, you must fasten your mental and spiritual seat belts because it is going to be a while before you reach that comfortable level again. You will reach it, but you must endure the turbulence of change in order to grow.
Try this technique to help you through the difficult times of change and growth. Find four reasons why you cannot succumb to your fears and your troubles. Find those deep sources of motivation that can lift you out of the turbulence and above the clouds. You must change your life because, for example:
You have not yet tapped the talents given to you. You want to leave something more for your children. You want to live life rather than letting life live you. You want to do what makes you happy.
It is in these rocky early moments of bringing change to your life that you discover who you are. In the prosperous times, you build what is in your pocket. In the tough times you strengthen what is in your heart. And that is when you get an insight into yourself, insight that leads to self-mastery and an expansion of your consciousness as a life force both in your personal and professional lives.
Here are some other suggestions for gaining and holding another’s attention.
1] Be vividly specific. A specific detail or example proves a general conclusion, not the reverse. A vivid specific detail is memorable, while a general statement is less credible and easily forgotten. Ironically, most adult conversation and advertising are general. Children are most likely to be vividly specific and thus more memorable. When you want to be heard and remembered, characterize your information or request with a vivid, specific detail, example, story or contrasting options. Involve words that relate to the senses. For example “beautiful color” is not as vivid as “blue” which is not as vivid as “cobalt blue”.
2] Be “plainly clear”. Avoid wearing patterned clothing or other detail on your clothing, especially on the upper half of your body, because it will shorten the attention span of the person with whom you are speaking.
3] Look for the underlying issue. When you are arguing for more than 10 minutes, you are probably not discussing the real conflict and are thus unlikely to get it resolved in the discussion. Look for the underlying issue. Read Robert Bromson’s idea-packed book, dealing With Difficult people, for ideas about how to recognize specific difficult behaviors and adopt behaviors to protect you from them.
4] Deepen their commitment before they ask for more. The more time actions or other effort someone has put into something, someone or some course of action, the more deeply they believe in it will defend it and will work on it some more. If you want more from the other person, wait until he has invested more time, energy, money or other resources to ask for it.
5] Bring out their best side. If the person likes the way he acts when he is around you, h often sees the qualities in you that he most admires. The opposite is also true. Pick the moments when someone feels most at ease and happy, to move the relationship forward. Don’t make suggestions or requests when they are acting in an unbecoming way. Your efforts will only backfire. Praise the behavior you want to flourish.
6] Move to motivate. Motion activates emotion and makes experiences more memorable. Motion attracts attention and causes people to remember more of what’s happening and feel more strongly about it, for better or for worse. Get others involved in motions with you that create goodwill: walking, sharing a meal, handing or receiving a gift, shaking hands, turning to face a new scene. You are more likely to literally get “in sync”. That is, your vital signs become more similar: eye pupil dilation, skin temperature and heart beat.
DON’T QUIT
When things go wrong,
As they sometimes will;
When the road you are trudging
Seems all uphill
When the funds are low
And the debts are high
And you want to smile
But you have to sigh;
When care is pressing
You down a bit,
Rest if you must,
But don’t you quit.
I believe there is a third group as well. This consists of potential winners whose lives are just slightly out of alignment. I call them wayward winners. It may be that they just need to learn how to be real winners. Perhaps they have hit a bump or two that has knocked them off course and they are temporarily befuddled. A failed relationship, a lost job, financial problems, unformed goals, a lack of parental support, illness, many things can send us off course temporarily. Wayward winners are not lost souls, they just need some tweaking and couching and nudging to get them back on course. A map may be nice. Many of these wayward winners are easily identifiable because they are always searching.
Right now, there are many wayward winners out there braving rain, sleet and snow because they too still believe that they have untapped talents. They attend motivational seminars and listen to inspirational tapes and they plunge onward, believing that sooner or later they will find their way again.
Other wayward winners have temporarily given up. They are damaged and disoriented, their confidence badly eroded. They tend to drift through life numbly. The friends and relatives and loved ones of wayward winners see that they are out of sync and wonder why they cant be satisfied, why they don’t settle own. They wonder how people who have such obvious abilities and great potential can be so disoriented and unsure.
It is difficult for others to understand the rawness of a broken heart or the aching emptiness of an unguided spirit. You and I know. We have been there. Wayward winners know that there are possibilities out there, but too often they feel locked out from them. Some are afraid to risk any more because of what they have risked and lost already.
I know now that as difficult as it may be for you wayward winners to do, it is necessary to continue to test yourselves. Even though you have been hurt before, it is the only way to grow. We all have the capacity to change, to lead meaningful and productive lives by awakening our consciousness.
You know there are going to be tough times as you go about changing your life, so brace yourself and you will be able to handle them. When you get into your seat in an air-plane, what is the first thing that they tell you to do? Fasten your seat-belt. Brace yourself for the turbulence.
When you decide to move your life to the next level of accomplishment, you must fasten your mental and spiritual seat belts because it is going to be a while before you reach that comfortable level again. You will reach it, but you must endure the turbulence of change in order to grow.
Try this technique to help you through the difficult times of change and growth. Find four reasons why you cannot succumb to your fears and your troubles. Find those deep sources of motivation that can lift you out of the turbulence and above the clouds. You must change your life because, for example:
You have not yet tapped the talents given to you. You want to leave something more for your children. You want to live life rather than letting life live you. You want to do what makes you happy.
It is in these rocky early moments of bringing change to your life that you discover who you are. In the prosperous times, you build what is in your pocket. In the tough times you strengthen what is in your heart. And that is when you get an insight into yourself, insight that leads to self-mastery and an expansion of your consciousness as a life force both in your personal and professional lives.
Here are some other suggestions for gaining and holding another’s attention.
1] Be vividly specific. A specific detail or example proves a general conclusion, not the reverse. A vivid specific detail is memorable, while a general statement is less credible and easily forgotten. Ironically, most adult conversation and advertising are general. Children are most likely to be vividly specific and thus more memorable. When you want to be heard and remembered, characterize your information or request with a vivid, specific detail, example, story or contrasting options. Involve words that relate to the senses. For example “beautiful color” is not as vivid as “blue” which is not as vivid as “cobalt blue”.
2] Be “plainly clear”. Avoid wearing patterned clothing or other detail on your clothing, especially on the upper half of your body, because it will shorten the attention span of the person with whom you are speaking.
3] Look for the underlying issue. When you are arguing for more than 10 minutes, you are probably not discussing the real conflict and are thus unlikely to get it resolved in the discussion. Look for the underlying issue. Read Robert Bromson’s idea-packed book, dealing With Difficult people, for ideas about how to recognize specific difficult behaviors and adopt behaviors to protect you from them.
4] Deepen their commitment before they ask for more. The more time actions or other effort someone has put into something, someone or some course of action, the more deeply they believe in it will defend it and will work on it some more. If you want more from the other person, wait until he has invested more time, energy, money or other resources to ask for it.
5] Bring out their best side. If the person likes the way he acts when he is around you, h often sees the qualities in you that he most admires. The opposite is also true. Pick the moments when someone feels most at ease and happy, to move the relationship forward. Don’t make suggestions or requests when they are acting in an unbecoming way. Your efforts will only backfire. Praise the behavior you want to flourish.
6] Move to motivate. Motion activates emotion and makes experiences more memorable. Motion attracts attention and causes people to remember more of what’s happening and feel more strongly about it, for better or for worse. Get others involved in motions with you that create goodwill: walking, sharing a meal, handing or receiving a gift, shaking hands, turning to face a new scene. You are more likely to literally get “in sync”. That is, your vital signs become more similar: eye pupil dilation, skin temperature and heart beat.
DON’T QUIT
When things go wrong,
As they sometimes will;
When the road you are trudging
Seems all uphill
When the funds are low
And the debts are high
And you want to smile
But you have to sigh;
When care is pressing
You down a bit,
Rest if you must,
But don’t you quit.