Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. (Doug Larson)
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
At some time in the life cycle of every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
A banker lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Blacksmiths forge ahead
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
Chaos, panic, and disorder - my job is done here.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. (Frank Lloyd Wright)
Employee to company lawyer: "I'm working on a top secret military project. My boss hired some North Elbonians to help me. They're communists. If I give them any information, I could be guilty of treason. I could be executed. Can you help?"
Lawyer: "Sure. What would I have to do - pull a lever?"
Employer: "I'm looking for a part time Girl-Friday. Are you interested?"
Applicant: "No, thanks. I'm all girl seven days a week!"
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
The first person to make a mountain out of a molehill was a real estate agent.
The first thing a new employee should do on the job is learn to recognize his boss' voice on the phone. (Martin Buxbaum)
Geologists are caught between a rock and a hard place
Geologists are fault finders.
Geologists have sedimentary value.
Go the extra mile - It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I can't be fired. Slaves are sold!
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!
I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me the wrong way.
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?
I think, therefore I am overqualified.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend upon me.
If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research.
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.
Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
It's a thankless job but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised, the mosquito is swatted. (Catherine O'Hara)
A job is nice but it interferes with my life.
The less you bother me, the sooner we'll get results.
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their products as they do advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it. (Will Rogers)
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A memorandum is not written to inform the reader but to protect the writer. (Dean Acheson)
Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time!
Old anthropologists never die, they just become history.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old bureaucrats never die, they just waste away.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old janitors never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old plumbers never die, they just go down the drain.
Old real estate agents never die, they just grow listless.
Old salesmen never die, they just go out of commission.
Old steal makers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old watchmakers never die, they just wind down.
On Mondays, I rise and whine.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. (Bertrand Russell)
Organized people are just people who are too lazy to look for things
People who do the world's real work don't usually wear ties.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. (Ogden Nash)
Plumbers go with the flow.
Plumbers have the best connections.
Plumbers repair what your husband fixed.
Procrastination on your part does not create an emergency on my part.
The rat race is over - the rats won!
A real estate agent was the first person to make a mountain out of a molehill.
Research is the act of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings - they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Science may never come up with a better office communications system than the coffee break.
Scientists keep a close 'ion' their equipment.
Sign in a store window: We buy old furniture - We sell antiques
Sign reception room desk: We shoot every third salesman, and the second one just left.
Sign posted in a customer service department:
Suppose we refund your money,
send you another one without charge,
close the store, and have the manager shot.
Would THAT be satisfactory?!
The status of a temp is somewhere between that of a security guard and the crud behind the refrigerator (Scott Adams).
There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft. (Scott Adams)
There's no job too simple for me to complicate.
They earned a precarious living by taking in one another's washing.
This isn't a desk. It's a landfill!
This isn't an office - It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
A tidy desk is the sign of a sick mind.
A train engineer has a one track mind
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
Variety may be the spice of life, but monotony provides the groceries.
We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs
Work harder!! Millions on welfare are depending on you.
You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising budget is big enough. (Ed Rollins)
You can have it right or you can have it now, but you can't have it right now.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
At some time in the life cycle of every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
A banker lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Blacksmiths forge ahead
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
Chaos, panic, and disorder - my job is done here.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. (Frank Lloyd Wright)
Employee to company lawyer: "I'm working on a top secret military project. My boss hired some North Elbonians to help me. They're communists. If I give them any information, I could be guilty of treason. I could be executed. Can you help?"
Lawyer: "Sure. What would I have to do - pull a lever?"
Employer: "I'm looking for a part time Girl-Friday. Are you interested?"
Applicant: "No, thanks. I'm all girl seven days a week!"
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
The first person to make a mountain out of a molehill was a real estate agent.
The first thing a new employee should do on the job is learn to recognize his boss' voice on the phone. (Martin Buxbaum)
Geologists are caught between a rock and a hard place
Geologists are fault finders.
Geologists have sedimentary value.
Go the extra mile - It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I can't be fired. Slaves are sold!
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!
I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me the wrong way.
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?
I think, therefore I am overqualified.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend upon me.
If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.
If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research.
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.
Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
It's a thankless job but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised, the mosquito is swatted. (Catherine O'Hara)
A job is nice but it interferes with my life.
The less you bother me, the sooner we'll get results.
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their products as they do advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it. (Will Rogers)
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A memorandum is not written to inform the reader but to protect the writer. (Dean Acheson)
Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time!
Old anthropologists never die, they just become history.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old bureaucrats never die, they just waste away.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old janitors never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old plumbers never die, they just go down the drain.
Old real estate agents never die, they just grow listless.
Old salesmen never die, they just go out of commission.
Old steal makers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old watchmakers never die, they just wind down.
On Mondays, I rise and whine.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. (Bertrand Russell)
Organized people are just people who are too lazy to look for things
People who do the world's real work don't usually wear ties.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. (Ogden Nash)
Plumbers go with the flow.
Plumbers have the best connections.
Plumbers repair what your husband fixed.
Procrastination on your part does not create an emergency on my part.
The rat race is over - the rats won!
A real estate agent was the first person to make a mountain out of a molehill.
Research is the act of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings - they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Science may never come up with a better office communications system than the coffee break.
Scientists keep a close 'ion' their equipment.
Sign in a store window: We buy old furniture - We sell antiques
Sign reception room desk: We shoot every third salesman, and the second one just left.
Sign posted in a customer service department:
Suppose we refund your money,
send you another one without charge,
close the store, and have the manager shot.
Would THAT be satisfactory?!
The status of a temp is somewhere between that of a security guard and the crud behind the refrigerator (Scott Adams).
There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft. (Scott Adams)
There's no job too simple for me to complicate.
They earned a precarious living by taking in one another's washing.
This isn't a desk. It's a landfill!
This isn't an office - It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
A tidy desk is the sign of a sick mind.
A train engineer has a one track mind
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
Variety may be the spice of life, but monotony provides the groceries.
We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs
Work harder!! Millions on welfare are depending on you.
You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising budget is big enough. (Ed Rollins)
You can have it right or you can have it now, but you can't have it right now.
You should not confuse your career with your life.