How to deal with the failures in life
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Many of us falter at relationships, investments or careers. But there are some who simply can’t get it right...
How many times have you blamed fate after a messy relationship or a dud investment? Believe it or not, it is your behavioural pattern and not fate which is responsible for your repeated failures. There may be several reasons, such as obsessive compulsive behaviour, inadequate personalities or making a martyr out of oneself. “There is too much of negativity in thinking (of those who meet failures repeatedly) that most of the times they prove themselves right,” says Dr Anjali Chhabria, a psychologist. “Worse, they don’t pay heed to the indications and have a strong belief that only bad things will happen to them,” she adds, giving us two examples.
LOOKING FOR A STRONG GUY
Shefali Kher, 36, opted for divorce four years ago. Her husband had showed disinterest in the marriage and left her and her fouryear-old daughter for another woman. However, she worked her way out and lived her life with content, supporting her daughter. Still looking for an emotional companion, she came across Anand, who had lost his wife then and had two daughters. They got married but he still didn’t match her expectations. Today, she alleges that her husband ill-treats her, emotionally and sexually (sometimes insisting she have a threesome with him and another man). She’s also not being accepted by her mother-in-law. Worse, she doesn’t want to walk out of this marriage, for the sake of her parents and daughter.
Decoding it
It seems like Shefali is someone who would choose to be in the situation she is in now. One might think why anyone would continue living like this, but part of the blame has to go to her personality type or her upbringing. She seems to be emotionally dependent on others, which increases chances of her being victimised in various situations. She might also have a tendency to get attracted towards a stronger personality, which would benefit her for some time. However, unfortunately, her partner would take advantage of this. Dependent women like her let themselves be taken for granted as their need for security is very high. When they are not listened to, they may not be strong enough to stand up and protest. Also, women like Shefali tend to falter repeatedly because they invariably find partners as indecisive as themselves. Also, thoughts of self-pity aggravate their need to be ill-treated.
The way out
Shefali needs to identify her expectations and has to develop assertiveness. Finding a different personality can often see the marriage through. She needs to realise the need to express. It is not a sign of weakness, but in fact saying “no” is a crucial factor which can increase self-respect and keep up her individuality. This will also not let anybody take her as a punching bag.
CAN’T KEEP A JOB
Twenty-five-year-old Amit didn’t pass his graduation, so he opted for a diploma before joining a media company. But the salary being too meagre, he quit soon, only to join his father’s business. However, the lack of creativity here had him looking out again. Due to his lack of concrete experience, he didn’t come across great offers. Today, he’s joined yet another media house and is working hard but earning lesser than he expects. He still gets bogged down with constant comparisons with his peers and the growing apprehension of not being able to support a family in the near future.
Decoding it
It seems like Amit had accepted defeat right at the outset, which prevented him to make any efforts to better it. He didn’t stop and question his failure but jumped to a seemingly better alternative. After getting his first job, he overlooked the fact that he was still an undergraduate, something which indirectly created hurdles for him later. At his first job, he could have worked towards his goal, but since this process took time, he became impatient. An alternative of his father’s business was there and he took it. Due to his affinity to take the easy route, he continued making the same mistakes. This confused him all the more, and with boredom settling in, he perhaps developed what is called ‘attention deficit’. People with hyperactive tendencies like him go for the short-sighted option despite being aware of their shortcoming.
The way out
Amit tends to get bored at one workplace; so he needs to look at opportunities that allow more freedom of movement. Some of the occupations he can try are mountaineering, marketing and sales jobs and advertising. But before opting for any job, he needs to identify his own personality traits and match them with the job profile.
Attached Image
Many of us falter at relationships, investments or careers. But there are some who simply can’t get it right...
How many times have you blamed fate after a messy relationship or a dud investment? Believe it or not, it is your behavioural pattern and not fate which is responsible for your repeated failures. There may be several reasons, such as obsessive compulsive behaviour, inadequate personalities or making a martyr out of oneself. “There is too much of negativity in thinking (of those who meet failures repeatedly) that most of the times they prove themselves right,” says Dr Anjali Chhabria, a psychologist. “Worse, they don’t pay heed to the indications and have a strong belief that only bad things will happen to them,” she adds, giving us two examples.
LOOKING FOR A STRONG GUY
Shefali Kher, 36, opted for divorce four years ago. Her husband had showed disinterest in the marriage and left her and her fouryear-old daughter for another woman. However, she worked her way out and lived her life with content, supporting her daughter. Still looking for an emotional companion, she came across Anand, who had lost his wife then and had two daughters. They got married but he still didn’t match her expectations. Today, she alleges that her husband ill-treats her, emotionally and sexually (sometimes insisting she have a threesome with him and another man). She’s also not being accepted by her mother-in-law. Worse, she doesn’t want to walk out of this marriage, for the sake of her parents and daughter.
Decoding it
It seems like Shefali is someone who would choose to be in the situation she is in now. One might think why anyone would continue living like this, but part of the blame has to go to her personality type or her upbringing. She seems to be emotionally dependent on others, which increases chances of her being victimised in various situations. She might also have a tendency to get attracted towards a stronger personality, which would benefit her for some time. However, unfortunately, her partner would take advantage of this. Dependent women like her let themselves be taken for granted as their need for security is very high. When they are not listened to, they may not be strong enough to stand up and protest. Also, women like Shefali tend to falter repeatedly because they invariably find partners as indecisive as themselves. Also, thoughts of self-pity aggravate their need to be ill-treated.
The way out
Shefali needs to identify her expectations and has to develop assertiveness. Finding a different personality can often see the marriage through. She needs to realise the need to express. It is not a sign of weakness, but in fact saying “no” is a crucial factor which can increase self-respect and keep up her individuality. This will also not let anybody take her as a punching bag.
CAN’T KEEP A JOB
Twenty-five-year-old Amit didn’t pass his graduation, so he opted for a diploma before joining a media company. But the salary being too meagre, he quit soon, only to join his father’s business. However, the lack of creativity here had him looking out again. Due to his lack of concrete experience, he didn’t come across great offers. Today, he’s joined yet another media house and is working hard but earning lesser than he expects. He still gets bogged down with constant comparisons with his peers and the growing apprehension of not being able to support a family in the near future.
Decoding it
It seems like Amit had accepted defeat right at the outset, which prevented him to make any efforts to better it. He didn’t stop and question his failure but jumped to a seemingly better alternative. After getting his first job, he overlooked the fact that he was still an undergraduate, something which indirectly created hurdles for him later. At his first job, he could have worked towards his goal, but since this process took time, he became impatient. An alternative of his father’s business was there and he took it. Due to his affinity to take the easy route, he continued making the same mistakes. This confused him all the more, and with boredom settling in, he perhaps developed what is called ‘attention deficit’. People with hyperactive tendencies like him go for the short-sighted option despite being aware of their shortcoming.
The way out
Amit tends to get bored at one workplace; so he needs to look at opportunities that allow more freedom of movement. Some of the occupations he can try are mountaineering, marketing and sales jobs and advertising. But before opting for any job, he needs to identify his own personality traits and match them with the job profile.