"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?"
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
"Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shutup'."
"Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add."
"Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'."
"My parents used to beat the shit out of me. And, looking back on it, I'm glad they did. I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my own kids, for no reason whatsoever."
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
"I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls."
"Sex is God's joke on human beings."
"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping."
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."
"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?"
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
"Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shutup'."
"Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add."
"Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'."
"My parents used to beat the shit out of me. And, looking back on it, I'm glad they did. I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my own kids, for no reason whatsoever."
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
"I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls."
"Sex is God's joke on human beings."
"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping."
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."