Dealing with Anger

[swatiraohnlu]

"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness."

​

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nine Don'ts of Dealing with Anger

*

Don't take everything personally. This can be hard, especially if you're a sensitive person, but I've learned recently (after reading The Four Agreements) that you don't have to take everything personally and, in fact, it's a bad idea to do so. Usually if someone is doing/saying something it has a lot more to do with that person than it does to do with you, so take a step back and think to yourself, "Don't take it personally."

*

Don't discredit the way you feel. Anger, as I said above, can be a really important emotion. It's telling us something about the way we feel and I think that any time we discredit the way we feel bad things are going to happen. You have to address your feelings and assess them. Figure out what they mean and why they are feeling them. One of the worst things you can do when you're angry is say, "Oh, it's no big deal" because you know it is.

 

[swatiraohnlu]

#

Don't avoid your emotions. Once you've given credit to your anger, don't avoid it. Sometimes I'll say to myself, "I'm angry" and then I push that emotion away because I don't want to deal with it. You know what? It always comes back in one form or another. It's not healthy to avoid any emotion, but avoiding anger can be really problematic when it crops up in some other area of your life.

#

Don't forget to take deep breaths. Breathing really helps me out when I'm feeling angry or upset, cliche as that might sound. When I'm in the heat of the moment of anger and I stop and listen to my body -- my accelerated heartbeat, my clenched jaw, my raised voice -- and take a few deep breaths, I feel a LOT better. Try it the next time you're feeling angry. After all, there's a reason it's a cliche.

 

[swatiraohnlu]

#

Don't ignore what your body's saying. As I mentioned above, listening to your body is so important, but in this point I mean before you get angry or irritated. For me I know that lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of anything my body really needs can cause me to be more irritable than I normally would be. When I don't listen to my body and get to the point when I'm too tired/hungry/etc., my emotional state suffers. Pay attention to your body and do what you can to keep it in a happy state.

#

Don't always react immediately. For someone with little patience and the desire to resolve every conflict immediately, this is a hard don't to follow. I often find it very difficult to walk away from a situation and come back to it later. I want to fix it. Now. But, as I'm sure you know, this isn't always the best way to handle things. Often it's a lot better to come back to a situation later and deal with it once you've calmed down. Next time things get heated (in an angry way), take a time out and come back to it later.

 

[swatiraohnlu]

#

Don't drag the situation out. I'm a big fan of letting things go. Of course this depends on the situation (some things should never be let go), but often we're in arguments or anger-fueled situations that really don't need to be dragged out. If you're stubborn, it can be hard to throw up your hands and just let it go, but dragging out an angry situation never makes it better. I say, do the best you can to handle it and then move forward.

#

Don't deny the pain you may cause. If you're acting out in anger, you may say/do things you wouldn't normally do. Often I'll write these things off, saying, "Oh, but I was so mad at the time!" Anger is not an excuse. Think about what you're saying and doing and consider the repercussions. In addition, think about the ripple effect. Do you have kids? Pets? Are there other people around during your angriest moments? You do impact other people when you are angry and sometimes thinking about this and recognize the pain you could cause will help you to calm yourself.

 

[swatiraohnlu]

Don't underestimate a positive outlook. As you know, I'm a big fan of looking for the good in every situation. Try to do this the next time you're feeling angry. As hard as it might be to do, try asking yourself, "What's good about this situation? What could I be learning from this situation?" Take a step back from your anger (but don't avoid or ignore it!) and generate positive feelings.

Source

 

[dimpy.handa]

Patience is a mind that is able to accept, fully and happily, whatever occurs. It is much more than just gritting our teeth and putting up with things. Being patient means to welcome wholeheartedly whatever arises, having given up the idea that things should be other than what they are. It is always possible to be patient; there is no situation so bad that it cannot be accepted patiently, with an open, accommodating, and peaceful heart.