vikrantverma
Vikrant Verma
i m starting here a new thread to include some ocrporate lessons. hope u people will enjoy
CORPORATE LESSONS
- Thread starter vikrantverma
- Start date
vikrantverma
Vikrant Verma
how to do business
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
vikrantverma
Vikrant Verma
IIM puzzle
A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password
that was required. He waited by the door and listened.
A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "twelve." The
member replied, "six " and was let in.
A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "six." The member
replied, "three" and was let in.
The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The
doorman said ,"ten" and the man replied, "five." But he was not let in.
What should have he said?
Comon guys, put on your thinking caps & get the solution......
Ans:- 3
The man had to reply the number of characters in the word the Doorman
was
asking.
He should have replied "Three" instead of "Five".
I bet u'll read the question again?.
A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password
that was required. He waited by the door and listened.
A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "twelve." The
member replied, "six " and was let in.
A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "six." The member
replied, "three" and was let in.
The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The
doorman said ,"ten" and the man replied, "five." But he was not let in.
What should have he said?
Comon guys, put on your thinking caps & get the solution......
Ans:- 3
The man had to reply the number of characters in the word the Doorman
was
asking.
He should have replied "Three" instead of "Five".
I bet u'll read the question again?.
vikrantverma
Vikrant Verma
MODULE MANAGER
Thought you guys would enjoy this one. very familiar...
Programmer to Module Leader:
"This is not possible. **Impossible**. It will involve design change and no
body in our team knows the design of the system. And above that nobody in
our company knows the language in which this software has been written. So
even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal
opinion the company should never take these type of projects."
Module Leader to Project Manager:
"This project will involve design change. Currently we don't have people
who have experience in this type of work. Also the language is unknown so we
will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my
personal opinion, we should avoid taking this project."
Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:
"This project involves design change in the system and we don't have much
experience in that area. Also not many people are trained in this area. In
my personal opinion we can take the project but we should ask for some more
time."
1st Level Manager to 2nd Level Manager:
"This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have
worked in this area and some who know the language. So they can train other
people. In my personal opinion we should take this project but with
caution."
2nd Level Manager to CEO:
"This project will show the industry our capabilities in remodeling the
design of a complete system. We have all the necessary skills and people to
execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in-house
training in this area to other people. In my personal opinion we should not
let this project go by under any circumstance."
CEO to Client:
"These are the type of projects in which our company specialize. We have
executed many project of the same nature for many big clients. Trust me when
I say that you are in the safest hand in the Industry. In my personal
opinion we can execute this project successfully and that too well with in
the given time frame."
Thought you guys would enjoy this one. very familiar...
Programmer to Module Leader:
"This is not possible. **Impossible**. It will involve design change and no
body in our team knows the design of the system. And above that nobody in
our company knows the language in which this software has been written. So
even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal
opinion the company should never take these type of projects."
Module Leader to Project Manager:
"This project will involve design change. Currently we don't have people
who have experience in this type of work. Also the language is unknown so we
will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my
personal opinion, we should avoid taking this project."
Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:
"This project involves design change in the system and we don't have much
experience in that area. Also not many people are trained in this area. In
my personal opinion we can take the project but we should ask for some more
time."
1st Level Manager to 2nd Level Manager:
"This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who have
worked in this area and some who know the language. So they can train other
people. In my personal opinion we should take this project but with
caution."
2nd Level Manager to CEO:
"This project will show the industry our capabilities in remodeling the
design of a complete system. We have all the necessary skills and people to
execute this project successfully. Some people have already given in-house
training in this area to other people. In my personal opinion we should not
let this project go by under any circumstance."
CEO to Client:
"These are the type of projects in which our company specialize. We have
executed many project of the same nature for many big clients. Trust me when
I say that you are in the safest hand in the Industry. In my personal
opinion we can execute this project successfully and that too well with in
the given time frame."
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on" After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he
let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of
smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The
manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The
crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate
it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Corporate Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Hey guys this is a very valuable thread and i hope you people will post in this section as it helps us to be good corporate citizens
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he
let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of
smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The
manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The
crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate
it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Corporate Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Hey guys this is a very valuable thread and i hope you people will post in this section as it helps us to be good corporate citizens