Page 1
Program Objectives
?
?
?
?
Understand the philosophy of being assertive. Recognize the differences between being assertive and aggressive through exploration of personal reactions to given situations. Participate in role-playing exercises to practice the tenets of being assertive. Instill in participants the courage to be assertive -- in the most appropriate and effective way.
Page 2
A Challenge
Please write a One Sentence Definition of A S S E R T I V E N E S S.
Page 3
Definition of Assertiveness
An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of one's feelings,
thoughts, and beliefs.
Page 4
Why Assertiveness Is Important?
? Effective communication brings
about the achievement of individual and/or shared goals.
? Assertiveness increases your ability
to reach these goals while maintaining your rights and dignity.
Page 5
The Myths About Assertiveness
? Other people’s feelings and rights are
more important than yours.
? You will offend other people
by being assertive.
? You are not important
enough to express your feelings and rights.
Page 6
What’s Keeping You From Being Assertive?
? Fear of change. ? Refusal to admit their submissiveness.
? Fear of ruining relationships if you speak
your mind.
? Lack confidence in your ability.
Page 7
Have You Ever Felt…
… guilty about saying “no”? … that others regard you as a pushover? … that it’s better to be well liked than well respected? … that outbursts of anger are appropriate? … that intimidation is the only way you can get what you want?
Page 8
What Assertiveness Is
? ? ?
Respect for yourself and others. Honestly expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Effectively influencing, listening, and negotiating with others.
Page 9
Assertiveness
I’m OK
AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE
You’re not OK
You’re OK
PASSIVE / AGGRESSIVE
PASSIVE
I’m not OK
Page 10
Acting Unassertiveness Is
? ? ?
Acting in an indirect or passive manner. Permitting others to take advantage of you by violating your rights. Thinking that you and your needs are inferior to others and their needs.
Page 11
A Passive Person
Passive people usually:
? Speak softly and hesitantly. ? Use fillers like “uh” and “um.”
? Avoid eye contact.
? Allow other people in their
personal space.
Page 12
An Aggressive Person
Infringes on others’ rights, using fear and intimidation to get what he or she wants.
Aggressive people often:
? ?
?
Raise their voices when they lose control. Shout and use accusatory language like “You should” and “You must.” Stare people down and may invade other people’s personal space physically.
Page 13
An Assertive Person
Asserts his or her own rights in a positive, open, honest, and self-confident manner.
Assertive people usually:
? ?
Speak calmly and confidently. Notify other people of their feelings with statements starting with “I think” and “I feel.” Maintain eye contact, have good posture and are poised and in control.
Page 14
?
Six Personality Types
Hamsters. Dreamers. Whiners. Mutes.
Invisible Beings.
Pit-bulls.
Page 15
Are You Assertive at the Workplace?
Then you do your job well while maintaining your rights and fulfilling your responsibilities. Don’t worry if you don’t fit into this category yet … There’s still hope!
Page 16
Tension at Work
Page 17
Relax !
By controlling tension you will also control the possibilities of outbursts and unnecessary or unproductive anger.
Page 18
What To Do When Confronted With a Problem
Get a Grip
Controlling your emotions is the first step to helping solve, rather than magnify, this problem assertively.
Page 19
What To Do When Confronted With a Problem
Reach for Logic
Examine the situation carefully and make sure you have a handle on all the facts. Look to see if you are in fact also contributing to the situation.
Page 20
What To Do When Confronted With a Problem
Don’t Keep a Lid On It
Procrastination will only make it worse. Pent-up frustrations could lead to unwanted explosions that may be more problematic than the original situation.
Page 21
What To Do When Confronted With a Problem
Don’t Take It So Hard
Remember to keep perspective when things get sticky, and don’t take things personally. It will only increase your emotional involvement and hamper your ability to resolve the situation.
Page 22
In Dealing With Conflicts
? Deal with the situation immediately. ? Listen carefully. ? Sort out the facts from the emotional content. ? Avoid being defensive. ? Ask questions. ? Compliment the individual/group for having the courage to ? ?
bring this to your attention. Respond calmly and clearly. Offer alternatives.
Page 23
If You Have A Grievance
? Deal with the situation ? ? ? ?
? ?
immediately. Be prepared to listen. Avoid being emotional. Avoid putting the other person on the defensive. Be prepared and know the facts. Remain calm. Have the courage to be assertive.
Page 24
Who’s Afraid Of...
The only thing someone should fear is missing opportunities by continuing to worry and feed passive attitudes.
Page 25
Making the First Move
Overcoming the Fear of Being Assertive:
Concentrate. Make eye contact. Be tactful and honest. Remember who you’re with and tailor your discussion.
Page 26
Interpersonal Skills at Work
Avoid misunderstanding which can lead to frustration. Being assertive means being open and direct.
?
Are your requests reasonable?
?
Are your requests easy to understand?
?
Are you sure you know what you want from other people?
Page 27
Keys to More Power!
Increased assertiveness leads to increased powerful verbal communication.
The Keys to Communication:
?
?
Verbal
Non-verbal
?
Written
Page 28
Verbal Communication
Avoid fillers like “uh” and “um” and diminutives like “little,” “only” and “just.”
Don’t use “I’m sorry” if you’re not sincere or if the situation doesn’t call for it. Always keep in mind your tone and volume, and how think about how they may be perceived by others.
Page 29
Non-Verbal Communication
Be aware of gestures and body language. Always maintain good posture. Make sure to allow for comfortable personal space between you and the person you’re communicating with.
Page 30
Written Communication
Be concise and clear. Use specific and simple language.
Use the active voice when writing, and remember to be inclusive and aware of your audience.
Page 31
Communication is a Goal
Other Aspects of Good Communication:
?
Listening well.
?
?
Controlling your emotions.
Letting people know how you feel.
?
Making assertive statements.
Page 32
Tips on Listening Well
Being an Active Listener:
? Paraphrase what the speaker
has said.
? Maintain eye contact and
verbally encourage the speaker.
? Ask informative and
clarifying questions.
Page 33
Controlling Your Emotions
1. 2. 3. Breathe, relax, and remain calm. Realize demonstrations of anger, shouting, and threats are never appropriate. Use neutral, non-judgmental statements.
4. 5.
6.
Consider the other party’s viewpoint and emotions. Don’t make accusatory statements-- blame is usually a dead-end road. Check yourself before you say something you’ll regret later on.
Page 34
Letting Other People Know How You Feel
? While remaining cool and collected, try to explain your point of view.
? Use terms like “I feel” and “I think” rather than “It should be” or “It must.”
Page 35
Making Assertive Statements
? Describe your wants, needs and
intentions to other people.
? Use terms like “I want,” “I
need,” and “I plan to.”
Page 36
Communicate Assertively/ Skills
? Broken Record. ? Fogging. ? Free Information. ? Empathetic Assertion. ? Simple Assertion. ? Self-Disclosure.
? Negative
? Workable Compromise.
Assertion.
Page 37
Requesting Change From Someone Else
1. Describe the situation.
2. Express your feelings on the subject.
3. Request a behavior change.
4. State the positive consequences of changed behavior.
Page 38
Assertiveness is Also About
Setting limits.
Expressing your feelings.
Page 39
“No” is Not a Dirty Word
If something makes you feel uncomfortable or if you feel the request is unreasonable, then it is your prerogative to refuse.
Remember:
? You are not saying “no” to the whole person, but only to part of the relationship which makes you feel uncomfortable. ? “No” does not require an explanation.
Page 40
Don’t Go Down the Passive or Aggressive Road
Passive
Assertive Aggressive
Use good communication to
transmit your requests and feelings.
Page 41
First Impressions
? Slouching, avoiding
eye contact, and other self-effacing mannerisms can show a lack of self confidence.
?
This kind of selfpresentation can perpetuate a cycle of non-assertive behavior.
Page 42
Taking the First Step
? If you don’t like the way
you feel when you behave a certain way, know that you have the power to change it!
? Remember, the only
behavior you can control is your own.
Page 43
“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”
Chinese Proverb
Page 44
Fears Which Block Assertive Behavior
1. Fear of making mistakes.
Fear
2. Fear of displeasing others.
3. Fear of disapproval.
4. Fear of appearing too masculine or too feminine.
Page 45
Reminder
Assertiveness =
Personal Authority
+ Confidence in Your Skills
+ Sense of Purpose
+ Commitment to Goals
Page 46
Start Out Small
Master what you can manage comfortably at first, then move up to greater challenges. Change is always gradual; it’s not immediate, but it’s not impossible either.
Page 47
You Can Change Your Habits
1. Identify what you want to change about yourself. 2. Set a goal. 3. Control your fears and anxieties. 4. Aim for a success that is manageable at first. 5. Keep a record to monitor your progress. 6. Practice, practice, practice!
Don’t lose sight of your goal, and remember that upkeep is a life-long commitment.
Page 48
“The Play’s the Thing…”
? A good way to enforce what you’ve learned is to role-play.
? Practice and feedback are essential to discovering strengths and weaknesses, as is having a chance to try out your skills in a supportive forum.
Page 49
Here are some communication skills that will help you convey an assertive attitude:
? ? ? Be aware of your facial expression. Always make eye contact. Pay attention to what others are saying and let them know that you are listening.
Tips on Assertiveness
?
? ? ?
Use a pleasant but firm voice when communicating.
Be aware of your gestures and how you hold and present yourself. Always ask questions when clarification is needed to avoid misunderstanding. Look for ways to solve the problem so all parties are satisfied.
Page 50
Comfort Zone
? Comfort level is the degree to which you feel comfortable with what is happening, while taking into the situation, circumstances and relationship.
? Whenever the comfort level is exceeded, “Speak Up”.
Page 51
Action Plan
What are you going to take action on?
Start with the three easiest items.
Page 52
Action Steps
? ? ?
List specific behaviors. Be as systematic as possible. Rank the behaviors in terms of their complexity or degree of difficulty.
?
? ? ?
Begin with the least difficult behavior.
Advance to a more difficult behavior. Break difficult behavior down into several smaller behaviors. Attach time limits to each behavior.
?
? ? ? ? ?
Review all previous behaviors.
Measure and evaluate. Keep records (preferably visual). Reinforce through reward and punishment.
Use visual reminders (pictures, charts, etc.).
Remember: ("A small goal is enough!").
Page 53
doc_459552179.ppt
Program Objectives
?
?
?
?
Understand the philosophy of being assertive. Recognize the differences between being assertive and aggressive through exploration of personal reactions to given situations. Participate in role-playing exercises to practice the tenets of being assertive. Instill in participants the courage to be assertive -- in the most appropriate and effective way.
Page 2
A Challenge
Please write a One Sentence Definition of A S S E R T I V E N E S S.
Page 3
Definition of Assertiveness
An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of one's feelings,
thoughts, and beliefs.
Page 4
Why Assertiveness Is Important?
? Effective communication brings
about the achievement of individual and/or shared goals.
? Assertiveness increases your ability
to reach these goals while maintaining your rights and dignity.
Page 5
The Myths About Assertiveness
? Other people’s feelings and rights are
more important than yours.
? You will offend other people
by being assertive.
? You are not important
enough to express your feelings and rights.
Page 6
What’s Keeping You From Being Assertive?
? Fear of change. ? Refusal to admit their submissiveness.
? Fear of ruining relationships if you speak
your mind.
? Lack confidence in your ability.
Page 7
Have You Ever Felt…
… guilty about saying “no”? … that others regard you as a pushover? … that it’s better to be well liked than well respected? … that outbursts of anger are appropriate? … that intimidation is the only way you can get what you want?
Page 8
What Assertiveness Is
? ? ?
Respect for yourself and others. Honestly expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Effectively influencing, listening, and negotiating with others.
Page 9
Assertiveness
I’m OK
AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE
You’re not OK
You’re OK
PASSIVE / AGGRESSIVE
PASSIVE
I’m not OK
Page 10
Acting Unassertiveness Is
? ? ?
Acting in an indirect or passive manner. Permitting others to take advantage of you by violating your rights. Thinking that you and your needs are inferior to others and their needs.
Page 11
A Passive Person
Passive people usually:
? Speak softly and hesitantly. ? Use fillers like “uh” and “um.”
? Avoid eye contact.
? Allow other people in their
personal space.
Page 12
An Aggressive Person
Infringes on others’ rights, using fear and intimidation to get what he or she wants.
Aggressive people often:
? ?
?
Raise their voices when they lose control. Shout and use accusatory language like “You should” and “You must.” Stare people down and may invade other people’s personal space physically.
Page 13
An Assertive Person
Asserts his or her own rights in a positive, open, honest, and self-confident manner.
Assertive people usually:
? ?
Speak calmly and confidently. Notify other people of their feelings with statements starting with “I think” and “I feel.” Maintain eye contact, have good posture and are poised and in control.
Page 14
?
Six Personality Types
Hamsters. Dreamers. Whiners. Mutes.
Invisible Beings.
Pit-bulls.
Page 15
Are You Assertive at the Workplace?
Then you do your job well while maintaining your rights and fulfilling your responsibilities. Don’t worry if you don’t fit into this category yet … There’s still hope!
Page 16
Tension at Work
Page 17
Relax !
By controlling tension you will also control the possibilities of outbursts and unnecessary or unproductive anger.
Page 18
What To Do When Confronted With a Problem
Get a Grip
Controlling your emotions is the first step to helping solve, rather than magnify, this problem assertively.
Page 19
What To Do When Confronted With a Problem
Reach for Logic
Examine the situation carefully and make sure you have a handle on all the facts. Look to see if you are in fact also contributing to the situation.
Page 20
What To Do When Confronted With a Problem
Don’t Keep a Lid On It
Procrastination will only make it worse. Pent-up frustrations could lead to unwanted explosions that may be more problematic than the original situation.
Page 21
What To Do When Confronted With a Problem
Don’t Take It So Hard
Remember to keep perspective when things get sticky, and don’t take things personally. It will only increase your emotional involvement and hamper your ability to resolve the situation.
Page 22
In Dealing With Conflicts
? Deal with the situation immediately. ? Listen carefully. ? Sort out the facts from the emotional content. ? Avoid being defensive. ? Ask questions. ? Compliment the individual/group for having the courage to ? ?
bring this to your attention. Respond calmly and clearly. Offer alternatives.
Page 23
If You Have A Grievance
? Deal with the situation ? ? ? ?
? ?
immediately. Be prepared to listen. Avoid being emotional. Avoid putting the other person on the defensive. Be prepared and know the facts. Remain calm. Have the courage to be assertive.
Page 24
Who’s Afraid Of...
The only thing someone should fear is missing opportunities by continuing to worry and feed passive attitudes.
Page 25
Making the First Move
Overcoming the Fear of Being Assertive:
Concentrate. Make eye contact. Be tactful and honest. Remember who you’re with and tailor your discussion.
Page 26
Interpersonal Skills at Work
Avoid misunderstanding which can lead to frustration. Being assertive means being open and direct.
?
Are your requests reasonable?
?
Are your requests easy to understand?
?
Are you sure you know what you want from other people?
Page 27
Keys to More Power!
Increased assertiveness leads to increased powerful verbal communication.
The Keys to Communication:
?
?
Verbal
Non-verbal
?
Written
Page 28
Verbal Communication
Avoid fillers like “uh” and “um” and diminutives like “little,” “only” and “just.”
Don’t use “I’m sorry” if you’re not sincere or if the situation doesn’t call for it. Always keep in mind your tone and volume, and how think about how they may be perceived by others.
Page 29
Non-Verbal Communication
Be aware of gestures and body language. Always maintain good posture. Make sure to allow for comfortable personal space between you and the person you’re communicating with.
Page 30
Written Communication
Be concise and clear. Use specific and simple language.
Use the active voice when writing, and remember to be inclusive and aware of your audience.
Page 31
Communication is a Goal
Other Aspects of Good Communication:
?
Listening well.
?
?
Controlling your emotions.
Letting people know how you feel.
?
Making assertive statements.
Page 32
Tips on Listening Well
Being an Active Listener:
? Paraphrase what the speaker
has said.
? Maintain eye contact and
verbally encourage the speaker.
? Ask informative and
clarifying questions.
Page 33
Controlling Your Emotions
1. 2. 3. Breathe, relax, and remain calm. Realize demonstrations of anger, shouting, and threats are never appropriate. Use neutral, non-judgmental statements.
4. 5.
6.
Consider the other party’s viewpoint and emotions. Don’t make accusatory statements-- blame is usually a dead-end road. Check yourself before you say something you’ll regret later on.
Page 34
Letting Other People Know How You Feel
? While remaining cool and collected, try to explain your point of view.
? Use terms like “I feel” and “I think” rather than “It should be” or “It must.”
Page 35
Making Assertive Statements
? Describe your wants, needs and
intentions to other people.
? Use terms like “I want,” “I
need,” and “I plan to.”
Page 36
Communicate Assertively/ Skills
? Broken Record. ? Fogging. ? Free Information. ? Empathetic Assertion. ? Simple Assertion. ? Self-Disclosure.
? Negative
? Workable Compromise.
Assertion.
Page 37
Requesting Change From Someone Else
1. Describe the situation.
2. Express your feelings on the subject.
3. Request a behavior change.
4. State the positive consequences of changed behavior.
Page 38
Assertiveness is Also About
Setting limits.
Expressing your feelings.
Page 39
“No” is Not a Dirty Word
If something makes you feel uncomfortable or if you feel the request is unreasonable, then it is your prerogative to refuse.
Remember:
? You are not saying “no” to the whole person, but only to part of the relationship which makes you feel uncomfortable. ? “No” does not require an explanation.
Page 40
Don’t Go Down the Passive or Aggressive Road
Passive
Assertive Aggressive
Use good communication to
transmit your requests and feelings.
Page 41
First Impressions
? Slouching, avoiding
eye contact, and other self-effacing mannerisms can show a lack of self confidence.
?
This kind of selfpresentation can perpetuate a cycle of non-assertive behavior.
Page 42
Taking the First Step
? If you don’t like the way
you feel when you behave a certain way, know that you have the power to change it!
? Remember, the only
behavior you can control is your own.
Page 43
“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”
Chinese Proverb
Page 44
Fears Which Block Assertive Behavior
1. Fear of making mistakes.
Fear
2. Fear of displeasing others.
3. Fear of disapproval.
4. Fear of appearing too masculine or too feminine.
Page 45
Reminder
Assertiveness =
Personal Authority
+ Confidence in Your Skills
+ Sense of Purpose
+ Commitment to Goals
Page 46
Start Out Small
Master what you can manage comfortably at first, then move up to greater challenges. Change is always gradual; it’s not immediate, but it’s not impossible either.
Page 47
You Can Change Your Habits
1. Identify what you want to change about yourself. 2. Set a goal. 3. Control your fears and anxieties. 4. Aim for a success that is manageable at first. 5. Keep a record to monitor your progress. 6. Practice, practice, practice!
Don’t lose sight of your goal, and remember that upkeep is a life-long commitment.
Page 48
“The Play’s the Thing…”
? A good way to enforce what you’ve learned is to role-play.
? Practice and feedback are essential to discovering strengths and weaknesses, as is having a chance to try out your skills in a supportive forum.
Page 49
Here are some communication skills that will help you convey an assertive attitude:
? ? ? Be aware of your facial expression. Always make eye contact. Pay attention to what others are saying and let them know that you are listening.
Tips on Assertiveness
?
? ? ?
Use a pleasant but firm voice when communicating.
Be aware of your gestures and how you hold and present yourself. Always ask questions when clarification is needed to avoid misunderstanding. Look for ways to solve the problem so all parties are satisfied.
Page 50
Comfort Zone
? Comfort level is the degree to which you feel comfortable with what is happening, while taking into the situation, circumstances and relationship.
? Whenever the comfort level is exceeded, “Speak Up”.
Page 51
Action Plan
What are you going to take action on?
Start with the three easiest items.
Page 52
Action Steps
? ? ?
List specific behaviors. Be as systematic as possible. Rank the behaviors in terms of their complexity or degree of difficulty.
?
? ? ?
Begin with the least difficult behavior.
Advance to a more difficult behavior. Break difficult behavior down into several smaller behaviors. Attach time limits to each behavior.
?
? ? ? ? ?
Review all previous behaviors.
Measure and evaluate. Keep records (preferably visual). Reinforce through reward and punishment.
Use visual reminders (pictures, charts, etc.).
Remember: ("A small goal is enough!").
Page 53
doc_459552179.ppt