funniest

Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? A. He's all right now. Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A. Anyone can roast beef. Q. Where do you find a no legged dog? A. Right where you left him. Q. Where do you get virgin wool from? A...

THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds 7. Eyelash curlers 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time 5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell...

A big city London lawyer went duck hunting in rural Scotland. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing. The lawyer...

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge...

I have good news and bad news Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your...