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There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."...

A man was browsing in an antique store when he came upon a statue of a rat. He asked the price and the owner said, "The statue of the rat is $100; the legend behind the statue is another $100." The man agreed to buy only the statue itself, although the owner warned as he left, "You`ll be back...

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can`t take it with you." After much thought and consideration, he finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to...

Two guys are driving through Alabama, when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The Trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the Trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why`d you do that?" The trooper says...

A Lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter. "Hello mate," says St. Peter, "I`m sorry, no Lawyers in heaven." "What?" exclaims the man, astonished. "You heard, no Lawyers." "But, but, but, I`ve been a good man", replies the Lawyer. "Oh really"...

After two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?" "Yes we have, your...

The bartender asks him, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five dollars." "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this". A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the...

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Hongkong. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys. The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in...

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a...

A man accused of robbing a bank was tried for the final time and was found guilty. Just before he was taken away, the man looked the judge in the eye and said, "Would it be okay if I called you a son of a bitch?" The judge’s face went red and he roared, "It most certainly would not! I’d add...

A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week." The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." Once again the receptionist replies, "I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last...

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his...

One day a man was digging a hole to plant a tree in his back yard. After digging about 2 feet he hit a lamp, so he picked it up and brushed it off. Suddenly out popped a Genie who said he would grant him three wishes. "Great!" the man explained. "However," said the genie, "I must know who you...

A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" the lawyer demanded. "Well, a woman," the witness answered timidly. The lawyer said angrily, "Of course...

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rachel, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $5 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Christy, who looked after me in sickness and kept the...

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted ten thousand rupees to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted...

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers...

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a Safe Driver Award. Congratulations, what do you think you're going to do with...

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer, "Did you actually see the accident?" The witness, "Yes, sir." The lawyer, "How far away were you when the accident happened?" The witness, "Thirty-one feet, six...

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?" Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his...